Unfortunately I Love You
by lilvamp23
Summary: The SAZ was accepted (yay happy ending for Euphie). Fem Lelouch who cross dresses as male Lelouch. A confused and betrayed Suzaku who apparently can't stay mad at Lelouch because let's be real here, it's Lelouch. One-shot


**Author note** \- I do not own Code Geass. This is just a one shot of Fem Lelouch who cross dresses as male Lelouch. Not sure if Suzaku is bi in this story or not, but oh well. He's most certainly Lelouch oriented. To be honest I love me some M/M Lelouch and Suzaku, but I ended up writing this anyways... I don't know? I wrote this in the middle of the night, so there's that...

* * *

Suzaku took a moment to just take in the fresh air and slight breeze as he walked up to Ashford Academy. He let out the breath he was holding and smiled. Everything wasn't perfect yet, but it was getting there. Euphie had made it happen. He wasn't quite sure how she had managed to get Zero to agree, but it didn't really matter. The SAZ went through. It was a step towards peace and a better Japan. This was the best he had felt in quite a while and he couldn't really contain the peaceful joy that was washing over him. Lelouch was walking farther ahead of him, so he jogged a little to catch up. Their relationship had been a little tense lately, but today he was going to fix that. Once he approached his slim black haired target, he gave him a firm whack on the back in greeting. He expected a glare and a sharp word or two. What he didn't expect was Lelouch to cry out in pain and fall to the ground.

"Fuck! Dammit! What the hell Suzaku?" Lelouch gritted out in pain between clenched teeth. His purple eyes watered with tears as he glared up at the tan brunette.

Suzaku froze for a moment as his brain tried to catch up to the moment. Now Suzaku wasn't the brightest bulb in the bunch. He was definitely more inclined to athletics than to academics, but something about this reaction had his green eyes narrowing. It had only been a week since Zero was shot trying to protect Euphemia from a crazed Japanese man in the audience and the shot was suspiciously close to where Suzaku had 'lightly tapped' Lelouch's back. It probably wouldn't have drawn his attention if he already didn't suspect that Lelouch and Zero were the same person.

He didn't say anything as he climbed on top of the prone man on the ground. Lelouch squeaked in indignation and tried to squirm his way out from underneath Suzaku, but Suzaku was stronger. He wasn't going to let Lelouch get away until he confirmed something. Lelouch's eyes flew open in panic as Suzaku started pulling at the bottom of his shirt and he started fighting back in earnest not that it did any good. Suzaku froze when he saw the bandage right where Zero's gunshot would be.

"You're Zero…" he said in a low voice.

Lelouch instantly froze and met Suzaku's gaze. His superior intelligence and silver tongue failing him miserably at the moment. He honestly didn't know what to say and really did it matter anymore? Zero had backed away from fighting and was fully onboard with Princess Euphemia. What could Suzaku complain about anymore?

Suzaku pushed himself off of Lelouch in disgust. This man, a man that he thought was his friend, was a lying manipulative bastard. People had died because of him. He wasn't even allowed to _die_ because of him and his command to live.

"Suzaku…?" Lelouch asked tentatively as he watched the emotions flicker on Suzaku's beautiful face.

"You're disgusting. You're a disgrace. I can't believe I ever thought I was friends with you..." Suzaku said coldly and then spit on the pale face of the man still sitting on the ground. "Don't ever talk to me again you sick bastard."

Lelouch's eyes flew open and he scramble to his feet trying to grab Suzaku's hand as he started to move away. Suzaku's fist reached out and collided with Lelouch's face. Lelouch fell back on the ground in shock. He watched Suzaku's retreating back as the blood leaked from his split lip. He couldn't lose Suzaku now. Not now. He had said yes dammit! He had given up everything. His plans for revenge against his family. His plans for Japan. Everything he had fought for. It wasn't supposed to be like this. He was supposed to be able to live in relative peace and harmony now. Suzaku was a part of that relative harmony. He _needed_ Suzaku. Now more than ever.

Lelouch slowly stood up from the ground and walked away from Ashford Academy. He walked away from Suzaku and the pain of looking at him. Everything hurt. His bullet wound hurt. His head hurt. His mouth and jaw hurt. His _heart_ hurt. This was wrong. It would just be another item to add to the list of all the times he had fucked up in his life.

Suzaku continued to attend classes at Ashford Academy the rest of the week. He didn't see Lelouch and really he didn't give a flying hoot about what Lelouch was up to anymore. Lelouch betrayed him. Of course other people, actually just the student council, noted the absence of their weirdly femininely attractive male member and cared. Suzaku was walking to the student council room when he was cornered (more like assaulted by strong female arms) by Milly.

"Suzaku dear! Have you seen Lelouch recently?" Milly chimed happily.

"No and I don't really care what he is up to" Suzaku replied as casually as he could. He really didn't want to let on what he thought Lelouch at the moment.

Unfortunately Milly was particularly adept at reading people. "You two had a fight didn't you?"

"I wouldn't necessarily call it a fight. Why would you come to me anyways? It's not like I keep tabs on him." Ok. Maybe that last sentence was said with a hint of sarcasm.

"But you two are friends. Sometimes it seems like even more than friends" Milly smiled sweetly at him.

Suzaku snorted and even chuckled a little and surprisingly it wasn't all bitter. "I highly doubt that we can even be considered real friends. Pretty sure he doesn't give a damn about me."

"Really? That's not how I see it. I guess you never see the way he looks at you, do you?" Milly asked thoughtfully as she looped her arm with his directing him towards the club room.

"Oh really and how exactly does he look at me?" Suzaku didn't even try to hide the sarcasm.

"Like he looks at Nunnally. Like you are one of the most precious things in the world."

That caused Suzaku's steps to falter for a moment. Milly gave him a moment to rebalance himself and gave him a thoughtful and kind smile. Suzaku looked away and pursed his lips in thought.

"I don't really believe that… Not with what he did…"

"Maybe you should just ask him what he thinks of you. If I didn't know any better, I would say that he's in love with you."

Suzaku choked on the air he had been breathing and gave Milly a startled look. Lelouch was not in love with him. That would be ridiculous. He was about to retort to the statement when they entered the club room. The student council members were all present minus a certain tall slim black haired man. They also were plus one as Nunnally was sitting chatting with Shirley.

"Nunnally, what are you doing here?" Suzaku asked slightly startled.

"Oh! Suzaku I'm glad you're finally here. I need your help" Nunnally said quietly. Suzaku noted the dark bags under her eyes. "Can we talk in private?"

They left the other members and exited into the small adjoining room. Nunnally chewed at her bottom lip and fiddled with the hem of her shirt. Suzaku kneeled down in front of her and took her delicate hands in his. No matter what he felt about Lelouch, Nunnally was Nunnally and he couldn't blame her for her brother's actions.

"What's wrong Nunnally?" he asked softly as he stroked her hands with his thumbs.

"Can you come back to the house with me? Lelouch locked himself in his room and hasn't come out for days. Sayoko has been leaving food outside of his door, but it isn't even being touched. I'm really worried Suzaku! Lelouch has never acted like this before and I don't know what to do!" Nunnally broke into soft sobs and Suzaku wrapped his arms around her. "What if he's hurt?"

"Ok. It's ok Nunnally. Of course I'll come with you…" Suzaku said soothingly and rubbed gentle circles around her thin back. He really didn't want to have anything to do with Lelouch, but he would have to do something. It wasn't fair to Nunnally to behave like this and worry her. He was more than willing to knock some sense into the pile of shit she had for a brother…and maybe a little part of him was really worried about Lelouch… The guy did have a bullet wound for crying out loud.

Suzaku knocked on the bedroom door and called out to Lelouch. There was no response, not that he necessarily was expecting one. It did however make his anxiety level spike a little bit. He tried calling out a taunting greeting knowing that Lelouch loved a good verbal spat, but still there was nothing. He took out the tools he had brought with and went to work on the door knob. If Lelouch wasn't willing to let him in, then he would let himself in. He was actually surprised that no one else had just decided to remove the door handle, but oh well, he was here now and he would take care of it.

Once the door handle was removed, he made his way into the room without any further resistance. The room looked relatively normal if you discount the unmade bed. Which was weird for someone like Lelouch who religiously made his bed every morning. Speaking of Lelouch, where the hell was he? No one was in the room. Suzaku looked around the room for clues and noticed that the bathroom door was open with the lights on.

He made his way into the bathroom and froze in his steps when his eyes landed on the submerged figure of his 'guy' friend in the bathtub. Who was very much not a _guy_. Not in the slightest and was very much a woman. A thin, tall woman with short black hair. _What!?_ Suzaku felt his stomach launch into his throat. Lelouch was a woman!? How did that even make sense? Ok. So yeah, he always looked way too feminine and delicate, but still he had never had breasts before. The person in the tub very much had breasts. Not that they were exceptionally large. Wait! What the hell? Suzaku's brain was having a full blown meltdown and maybe he was slightly having a panic attack as he filtered through all the memories he had shared with Lelouch. Did Nunnally know that her brother was definitely not a brother? She would have to know right? Not only was Lelouch Zero, Lelouch was a woman and apparently a very good liar. Holy shit…

Suzaku didn't know how long he stood their gaping like an idiot as he processed so many thoughts, memories, and questions through his head. Eventually he snapped out of his inner monologue and realized that Lelouch was still submerged under the water and there was no air bubbles disrupting the water's surface. A new wave of panic assaulted him and he dove for the tub sinking his hands into the ice cold water. He grabbed a hold of the delicate shoulders and pulled a flailing Lelouch back up into the air.

Lelouch's purple eyes snapped open and she looked at him. The eyes were wide at first in surprise and then switched to narrowed and guarded within an instant. She pulled away from his touch and averted her eyes. Suzaku saw the bruise on her face and swollen lip courtesy of his hit the previous day. Guilt crawled through him. He watched as her blue tinted lips parted. "Go away Suzaku…"

"What the hell are you doing!?" Suzaku ground out and grabbed her shoulders again. "This water is freezing and you weren't breathing. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

Lelouch took a deep breath and peeled Suzaku's startled fingers off of her. "It doesn't matter…"

"Of course it matters!"

Purple angry eyes snapped back to his face. "It doesn't matter! Go away Suzaku. I don't want you here!"

"Well tough shit because I'm not going anywhere until you get your ass out of this tub and explain this shit to me! You're a fucking woman Lelouch! What the hell!?"

"Fine!" Lelouch stood up and Suzaku moved back.

His astonished green eyes roamed over pale skin and watched as water droplets trailed down her body. His heart stuttering at the sight. This was Lelouch. His classmate. His friend. His enemy. His… She was beautiful. Not in the same way as most woman. She was almost too slim and her face had sharp angles, but her large purple eyes were breathtaking even if they were glaring at him. He watched as she elegantly stepped out of the bathtub and grabbed a robe before stomping out of the bathroom. He sat for a couple of seconds trying to compose himself and taking a couple of deep breaths. Apparently he had forgotten how to breathe there for a moment. He quickly stood up and followed after her. Lelouch was now lying on her stomach on the bed with her face smashed into a pillow.

"I left the bathtub. You can leave now…" she said in a melancholy voice.

"I'm not leaving Lelouch. I need to know… I mean… How are you a woman?" Suzaku stammered out as he walked up to the bed.

Lelouch let out a bitter chuckle. "Pretty sure I was born that way."

"But all these years… I thought you were a guy… You dress like a guy and act like a guy… I don't get it. Does Nunnally know?"

"Don't be stupid Suzaku. Of course she knows. I'm her sister" Lelouch sat up cross legged on the bed and looked at the taller man next to it. His face was a mix of horrified astonishment and curiosity. Any other circumstance and she might have laughed at him.

"But why pretend to be a guy?"

"It's a long story. Let's just say I never wanted to be taken advantage of again and if I could have disguised Nunnally as a boy as well, I would have."

Suzaku was quiet for a couple of moments letting his thoughts settle as he looked around the room and then at the woman sitting on the bed staring at him. "She's worried about you. About how you locked yourself away in here. She's says you're not eating and then I find you trying to either drown or freeze to death in the bathtub. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

"Wouldn't matter at this point if I did…" Lelouch looked away.

"Of course it matters! Quit saying that!" Suzaku said angrily. He could deal with an arrogant Lelouch, a manipulative Lelouch, but he had never dealt with a suicidal Lelouch before.

"No it doesn't! Euphie has her SAZ. Nunnally has Euphie and you. You have Euphie. I'm not needed anymore! Zero isn't needed anymore! Even if I die the world will continue! I'm tired Suzaku! I'm just so tired…"

"No you can't just die! You wouldn't let me die. You practically made it so I can't die. I'm not going to let you die!" Suzaku marched forward and grabbed onto Lelouch's shoulders tightly. "Nunnally needs you! Euphie needs you! Japan needs you! I need you!"

Suzaku watched as one of the strongest people he had ever known break down in front of him. How could this broken and crippled person with tears streaming down their face be the same Lelouch that had fooled the world as Zero and started a war? The same Lelouch that hardly showed any emotions what so ever. He wrapped his arms around the broken creature in front of him. Lelouch responded by grabbing fiercely onto his shirt like it was the only lifeline in the whole world. She buried her face into his chest and Suzaku listened to the most heartbreaking sobs he had ever heard. "I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere Lelouch. You have me…"

"No I don't! You don't belong to me! You will never belong to me! You belong to Britannia. You belong to Euphie…"

Suzaku's hand froze mid stroke against Lelouch's spine as Milly's words came back to him '…Like you are one of the most precious things in the world…he's in love with you.' Suzaku took a deep breath and tightened his arms around Lelouch burying his face into the black damp strands. Lelouch responded by wrapping her arms around his back and clinging to him. The pieces of their lives were slowly falling into place in Suzaku's mind. Why Zero had been so obsessed with getting him to join the Black Knights. Why Zero wouldn't let the Black Knights hurt him. He always thought it was weird that Zero let him walk away so many times. Why Zero ordered him to live. How Lelouch acted around him. Dammit! It was so clear. If it had been the other way around, he had no doubt that Lelouch would have been able to figure it out quicker. Now that he knew Lelouch was a woman, it also made his attraction to Lelouch feel a little less… _gay_. Not that being gay was a bad thing. He had no issue with it, he was just pretty sure he was straight, at least he's pretty sure... maybe...and it had always unnerved him a little bit how he felt.

Once Lelouch started to settle down slightly in his arms, he pulled back a little bit to look into the tear stricken face of his _friend_. He placed a small kiss on Lelouch's forehead and then small kisses at the corner of each eye. Lelouch's eyes fluttered shut and her breathing hitched in her throat. He left a couple more kisses on her cheeks.

"Suzaku…D-don't…" Lelouch said in a strangled voice as Suzaku continued to pepper her with kisses. Her hands grabbing tighter to his shoulders. He could feel nails digging into his skin.

"You have me Lelouch. You always will…" Suzaku said softly as he leaned in and kissed Lelouch's lips. Lelouch gasped lightly and pushed her fingers into his soft brown hair pulling him closer. Suzaku took the opportunity of the gasp and pushed his tongue gently into Lelouch's mouth eliciting a small groan from her. He slowly deepened the kiss and she responded eagerly to it clinging to him. Suzaku broke the kiss to get some air back into his lungs and looked into wide purple eyes and a flushed face. "Just promise me you won't do anything stupid like Zero again without talking to me first."

Lelouch's nodded eagerly. They stared at each other for a moment. Lelouch looked confused and excited and licked her lips nervously. Suzaku watched the pink tongue dance against soft plump lips and groaned internally. He had no idea what switch flipped inside of him taking Lelouch from male friend zone to a female he was very much attracted to and desired completely. He leaned back in and captured those soft lips that he never really knew how much he wanted. He sucked lightly on the lower one causing Lelouch to moan and arch against him.

Suzaku stopped thinking. It wasn't being that helpful right now anyways. He started letting his body take control of the situation and it wanted to push Lelouch flat against the bed and get this plush robe out of the way, so that's what he did. Lelouch wrapped her legs around Suzaku's legs as he climbed on top of her. One his arms propped himself up as his other one trailed up her body started from her knee. He couldn't help but notice how smooth her legs were. No wonder Lelouch's legs always seemed girly whenever he wore shorts. His fingers continued to map out her naked body as his fingers rose higher. Yep. Lelouch definitely had breasts and he was most certainly touching them right now. His fingers pinched the soft pink nob and Lelouch's hips bucked into his. Suzaku groaned into her mouth and pressed his hips back down.

He broke mouth contact and trailed kisses down Lelouch's jaw and neck. Sucking and nipping lightly as she continued to arch against him. He had started a slow grinding against her as his body reacted full force to the naked woman below him. Her hands quickly scrambled to the bottom of his shirt pulling it up on his body. He sat up slightly and assisted with getting his shirt off before he pressed his bare chest against hers. Hard muscles met soft squishy flesh and Suzaku hungrily connected their mouths again. Lelouch grasped erratically to his back as he continued to grind and touch her. Never in her wildest hopes had she ever seen this happening. Having Suzaku touch her like this. Having Suzaku _want_ her like this. She moaned softly as he sucked on her collar bone and started kissing down her body. His tongue circling her nipple before sucking on it caused her to gasp in delight.

His mouth wasn't the only thing moving south on her. His hands were also busy exploring. She arched again and moaned when she felt his fingers intrude into her body. He also groaned pushing them deeper. Her nails dug into his back as her hips raised in response looking for more. His fingers continued on exploring and experimenting. She was slowly losing her mind and bucking against his hand looking for more. He shifted upwards again and started ravishing her mouth again. His tongue pressing deep and searching. She responded by sucking on it gently and he groaned and thrusted against her hip. She could feel his need fighting against the confines of his pants and she released the death grip on his shoulders. Her fingers quickly working on undoing the restraints on him. He sat up when she started to push down and finished helping to remove the rest of his clothes.

He re-positioned himself in between her legs on his hands and knees. He had a hand on either side of her head and was looking down at her. They stared at each other for a moment having a silent conversation about how far this was going to go. Each one was giving the other an opportunity to call it quits, but neither spoke up. Eventually Lelouch reached up and wound her hands around his neck urging him forward and Suzaku knew at that moment that there would never be anyone else besides Lelouch for him.

He slowly let himself lower and was kissing her gently. What had started out as a bright flash of desire was now slowing down to a soft warmth of need and acceptance. Lelouch arched and moaned as Suzaku pressed inside of her. He responded with a groan of his own as the warm heat consumed him. They paused for a moment taking a couple deep breaths as they both became acquainted with the feeling. Then Suzaku pulled out before rocking back in. Lelouch arched into him. Her legs wrapped around his hips as he set a slow pace to begin with. It quickly escalated and the room was filled his soft pants, soft moans and sound of flesh hitting flesh. Lelouch clung to him tightly as he pounded into her body. The kissing got sloppy and the thrust became erratic as they climbed further to the peak together. Lelouch fell off first and clenched tightly. Suzaku followed within moments after. He slowed down as he rode out their orgasms and then finally flopped down next to her. Their lungs trying desperately to get some oxygen back into them.

They both froze when the door opened and Nunnally and Sayoko entered. Nunnally of course couldn't see them, but Sayoko did and her face flushed red. Suzaku quickly pulled a blanket over their naked sweat soaked bodies.

"It's been quite a while, so I wanted to check how everything was going" Nunnally said innocently.

"Everything is fine" Suzaku said quickly. His tan face quite red itself.

"Suzaku are you ok? You sound kind of breathless" Nunnally asked in concern and her eyebrows furrowed.

"Yes he is fine. Thank you for your concern Nunnally. Everything will be alright. Suzaku and I had a long talk and I am feeling much better. I apologize for worrying you so much. I will try to never let it happen again" Lelouch said calmly and collected. Suzaku stared at her quietly.

"Um… Ok. I'm happy you feel better Lelouch. I do expect you to make it up to me for worrying me though."

"Of course Nunnally" Lelouch said and nodded at Sayoko. "Now if you could excuse us, we still need to discuss some matters in private."

"Of course master Lelouch" Sayoko said politely and started ushering Nunnally out.

"Suzaku please stay for dinner. I want to know everything you said to Lelouch to get him out of his funk."

Suzaku paled and Lelouch raised an elegant black eyebrow in humor. "Ah…right… I guess I'll stay for dinner…"

"Good. I'll talk to you later than" Nunnally said cheerfully and exited the room. Sayoko shut the door behind them.

Lelouch let out a little chuckle and Suzaku glared at her. Lelouch then gave him a serious look and pulled them back to laying on the bed staring at each other. "Did you mean it? What you said about having you or was that just a moment of holy shit Lelouch is a woman and I want in her pants?"

"No. I meant it" Suzaku responded and pushed black strands of hair out of her face.

"But you were never attracted to me prior to knowing I was a woman, so it seems weird to declare something like that" Lelouch gave him a calculating look.

Suzaku averted his gaze and flushed. "Well… umm… I … uh… I think I've always been attracted to you. You're a very pretty boy in case you didn't know…"

Lelouch raised an eyebrow again and gave him an amused look. "So even if I was a guy, you would have still made love to me like you just did?"

Suzaku flushed a deeper shade of red. "I don't know… I do know how I feel about you though and that's why I was so upset and felt so betrayed when I found out you were Zero…"

"How do you feel about me?"

"… You're very important to me Lelouch. You're the closest thing I've ever had to a best friend and I can't imagine my life without you… I'm pretty sure that I…umm… that I love you… I'm not sure that it's always been romantic love, but I do love you."

Lelouch sighed and nuzzled closer. "Well not sure if you've figured it out or not, but I love you Suzaku and it's always been romantic. I love you so much that it physically hurts sometimes. I don't know what I would do without you…"

"Yeah…" Suzaku added lamely.

Lelouch looked up into his eyes. "What about Euphie? I was pretty sure you are in love with her."

Suzaku ducked his head and avoided the questioning purple eyes. "I do love Euphie. She's pretty much the embodiment of perfection, but… it's because she's perfect that I can't be with her. I'm not perfect Lelouch and I never will be."

Lelouch sighed and rolled away from him. She curled into a ball. "I…I can't compete with Euphie. You're right when you say she's perfect…"

"Lelouch…" Suzaku said quietly and gently curled around her nuzzling into her neck. "I love you and I won't ever leave you."

"You can't say that!" Lelouch sat up and stared down at him. "Five days ago you punched me in the face and told me never to talk to you again! And you love my sister!"

"…Yeah… I guess I did, but I didn't really mean what I said to you. I was angry and felt betrayed. I can't help how I feel about Euphie, but I don't want to be with her. I want to be with you Lelouch. Please let me be with you." Suzaku sat up and cupped her face with his hands.

"Hmph…fine…" Lelouch folded her arms across her chest and looked away before looking back into his green eyes. "You really mean it?"

"Yeah. I really mean it" Suzaku leaned in and gave a small peck on the lips. "I also meant it when I said you can't do anything stupid like becoming Zero again and manipulating innocent people into your personal vendettas."

"Needed to be done" Lelouch shrugged. Suzaku's eyes narrowed. "However, I shouldn't need to do anything else hopefully now that Euphie has her SAZ."

"Don't betray me again Lelouch" Suzaku said carefully.

"I won't if you won't" Lelouch countered casually.

"I won't."

"Well then I don't see any further issues."

"You're going to drive me crazy aren't you?"

Lelouch smiled innocently into the scowling face. "Probably, but you did promise _never_ to leave me."

Suzaku made a disgruntled noise and rolled out of bed. "I'm going to go put some _warm_ water in the bathtub. Come join me when you don't feel like being a pain in the ass."

"So never then?" Lelouch asked with a seductive grin and stood up to follow him in the bathroom. "Mind if I keep you company while the bathtub fills?"

"Do whatever you want. It's what you've been doing for years right?"

"You do know me ever so well my love" Lelouch wrapped her arms around Suzaku's waist and started leaving trails of kisses against the back of his neck. "I love you Suzaku…"

"Yeah…I love you too Lelouch…unfortunately…" Suzaku responded lightly and pulled up a pale hand to kiss it.

And they lived happily ever after... Until that one time when Lelouch thought it would be funny to cuff Suzaku to the bed and make love to him as Zero... Yeah that was a little tense... Suzaku refuses to admit that he liked it. Which he did, but that's beside the point because he wouldn't admit it... Or the time that Lelouch decided to cook dinner but ended up setting the kitchen on fire... Genius strategist, but not so much of a genius in the kitchen... Or that other time they decided to just skip eating altogether and jump straight to desert...on the dining room table. Unfortunately for them Nunnally and Euphie really wanted to eat dinner... _awkward_...


End file.
